Emotions

Moving on to the next of the three topics (Thoughts, Emotions and Ideas) which now is emotions will be this weeks post. Not only the title of this post scared me from writing it but have dreaded the fact that I will be writing about what I have felt the past year.

There are 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones. This year by looking at the emotions that are listed in this criteria, I would have expressed every single one of them which is not surprising. From the beginning of this year, it was much more fear, anticipation and disgust as I had a lot on my plate with college and being in Final year and all. As the months went by, it turned to joy, surprise, anticipation with a hint of disgust as I headed out and went to New York for the summer on my J1 and while I was there. As I now come through the final weeks and come to the end of the year, and think of those months since I have returned, my emotions are of anticipation, disgust and fear. Yes, I have returned my year back to the doom and gloom which with I have started out my year. It is the coming back to reality and release what the year was like.

The one emotion that has been through out those three parts of the year which was not said is sadness. Yes, emotions are meant to be outward movements of our life but many we want to keep bottled up for no one to see, and maybe its safe to keep them that way…

At the beginning of the year, I set out ambitions for the year of 2009:

“That my labs and modules go well over the next 3 months and that I won’t be too stressed especially in the first six weeks where we have 15 hours of Modules along with a possible 19 hours of labs, To get my degree in Chemistry of Pharmaceutical Compounds. I have spent four years in the course and every year surprised that I pass my exams and move that step forward so I hope the same for this year, To see a new part of the world during the summer, To experience something new and wonderful, To learn more about myself, my God and my friends, To overcome feelings of anger, hate and distain and to let strangers know how my life is going”

Looking back on this list I feel I have achieved about 5 out of those 7 that I have stated. I do believe that it is a good achievement but looking at the two that I feel I didn’t achieve, “To learn more about myself, my God and my friends, To overcome feelings of anger, hate and distain” makes me saddened that I didn’t get the two more important items on the list. Looking back at that post is scary that I did set myself goals to talk to my future self and to question him, ” Are you happy with what you have done this year as a whole?” That is not an easy question to answer, but overall I would have to say no. As I said sadness was part of every month this year, is because I was not doing my part to fulfill the two that I missed out on is because they were the hardest to deal with. As I am now looking back I try to scramble and see if I can make good on these. I am taking time out and not just focus on college(which has taken so much of my time) but also on God. Psalm 6 has tugged on my heart strings which describes my year within me. As you go through the Psalm it moves to that  I am getting my strength back but will take time. To blog about this is hard and I hope that others who (if any) read this will reflect on the emotions and reasons behind them for the past year. With not being happy with those two, I have decided to start my year early, by starting in December and aim to start this year well as I reflect back on the year that has just gone. I know some people say they cannot wait till 2010 to start over but to get a jump on the year is to start early and hope that your year goes well for a month longer.

So with my year of 2009 being completed, I look onto the year that is 2010 and wonder at what this years ideas/ambitions will be for it ,which I will talk about next week.

Thoughts

Last week I titled the post Thoughts, Emotions and Ideas, which will be a topic for each of the blog posts, this week being thoughts, as we move out of 2009 and knock on the door of 2010. My thoughts are those that have been of 2009 and what my recap of the year that was.

Yes, the past year has had its ups and downs but that is no different from any other of the 23 years being on the planet. 2009 had started out with the thoughts of failing exams, getting projects done and what was on the horizon after graduation if I made it that far. It also held the prospect of a J1 Summer which would allow freedom and experience but the hurdle of exams was always there looming. The time leading up to the exams was going so slow and I thought it would never come.

America had opened my world to getting to know people, to interact with people differently and experience a new culture and change my thoughts for the future that was ahead of me, of where to go, what to do, what to see and espically what I am missing out in. My thoughts of the J1 summer is that everyone should do it and experience a whole new level of freedom (I would say individuality but I do so ligthly). My thoughts of what to do when I returned to Ireland were tested and had to once again make a decision pretty much independtly away from parents and friends with little or no contact from them which did make it harder. My thoughts on what I would do on my return and being a fully graduated student had been altered due to the doom and gloom of the recession and the effects of what I thought I wanted to do. I had the plan to either take a year out and travel and come back to work and “settle” back and look forward then to what to do for my life or to work for 6 months and then travel for 6 months and then return. However, that was changed by the lack of jobs, money and prospects. The change was pushed by the fact that it would involve too much effort to do all that and instead to take the easy option and head back to college for another year and to postpone the inevitable. The Americas did come and go by so quickly that as I look back I cannot believe I was there for so long and I didn’t take the oppertunity to do as much as I would have liked.

Starting of my new college Masters life meant the giving up/passing on the responsibilities of the UCC SVdP Society which I had been involved in since 1st year and never waivered from though at time there were confrontations but these were overcome. I knew it was time to give it up without being sure that I was coming back to college and as a Postgrad, it was up to Undergrads to take it on and proceed with it as they would get more involved being around in college longer than a few months like I was. It was before this I knew though that it was coming to the end. The college course was a lot more intense than I first imagined, maybe due to the fact that it was crammed all in 6 weeks unlike most modules which would be 12 weeks long so that made people think twice of the course which has led to 6-7 people already drop out of the course with only 6 weeks worth of lectures being done. But with 4 years under my belt and I have never failed an exam yet, I don’t intend to start.

This year has led me through thoughts of am I gonna finish the race of college and survive the torments that have been nagging away at me. Yes I have slipped for longer periods than I had thought but I rise to the challenge and not on my own. It has been during these hard times of college, exams and projects that going into these things my thoughts like always turn to Him and ask Him to help me and direct me, to make all the answers to be correct as I seal the papers closed and not fail. This is not the only time I think of Him but throughout the day but mainly at night as I think and go through my head I know that He is listening to me and He drops words into my mind and allows me to grow and have new thoughts, emotions and ideas.

As you can see these thoughts are those of the past with ideas in the coming weeks will be the plans for the year of 2010.

Now with so much free time it has allowed me to think more of what is going on with my thoughts, emotions and ideas which I will continue to blog on… This does not mean that I am not doing any college work, which I am but there is only so much information a brain can handle.

Thoughts, Emotions and Ideas

I know that I have not posted in the last while, which did not mean I was neglecting the blog in anyway but I was rather gathering my thoughts, emotions and ideas with what popped into my head. However, I felt that I shouldn’t write them down/draft them as it was a time I wanted not to put fingers to a keyboard or a pen to paper but to do some natural thinking for once.

I have however, been enjoying other social networking on Facebook and spreading out via Twitter and getting a good feeling about those that respond to my few tweets that I do, at you know people are listening/reading you as it is so easy and efficient to respond. It was also a chance to see the passing few who go through my blog, and search for it without any new posts going up.

Innocence is Bliss

Not knowing about adult things when you were younger was the task held by your parents. Close your ears, when adult talk is said or close your eyes when a naughty scene appears on the TV. But when its coming of age, your parents stop protecting your innocence and thrown into the big bad world which happens during the teenage years.

Even though you should grow more mature along with age which I feel in some shape, way or form but I feel that I am still innocent and there is so much more that the world has to throw at me. Is this a good thing to have innocence to see the world as a good and happy place to live or should I be harder and not care??? So many people have become the latter and everyone is out to get them and let no one in.

 

That Thing You Do (Or Don’t)

Yes, we all have things that we would love to do in life but are too freaking scared to do because we worry about what people will say, the looks we will get and numerous other things that are on our mind when we step out…But are we always brought up to not care what others say??? Why then do we take this true to heart and never go through with what we want to do…

There is an ever growing list of things that I would do but my mind is in two minds, one is what people will think, say and the backing up why you do it even though it has no impact on their life and the other is saying do it and not care what happens at the end of the day.

MSc Biotechnology, UCC

I am now in my first week of what you could say is a study month with only 2 hours a week which are labs being my college attendance from now till christmas holidays in 6 weeks. This is due to the fact that this year my lectures took place in September and October rather than November and Decemeber which occured in previous years.

This means we get to go over our college material in the last 6 weeks for the 5 out of 8 modules we have to do in MSc Biotechnology. This is very helpful but its more organization rather than study as we will forget it come March when we have our exams (Mar. 29 till Apr. 9) with exams every second day. This means with it being easy now, will lead stress in Jan to Mar. with 3 modules (along with their assessments) and study for Spring Exams

 

Comprehending Life…

There are too many ways to comprehend what life throws at you. The actions/sayings/travels that you take in life can be scrutinized by yourself in so many ways and can have so many meanings to you and a whole lot more of explanations can be seen by another person looking on your life.

The way you act or say things in a moment can define who you are and labelled for the future to come. But what about the actions/sayings/travels that you don’t take? Are these to be left below your surface and never see the light of day? Is this what your truly want to be and are too afraid to step up and out with?

My blog post have been of late considered as cryptic and I believe that they are in no way like that. This post comes off the bat of  the first sentence coming into my head and I continue to type in the hope that it might help someone out there in our small world and stir up questions in their life too.

And All That Jazz (Weekend)

What a great few days of the Bank Holiday weekend I had. To be honest though my weekend seemed to have started on Thursday.

Thursday was a night spent with class mates in town where we graced our presence in Tom Barry’s, The Raven and Cavanagh’s. Though the night had its downs, I enjoyed kicking off my weekend with getting to know some of the class.

Friday was a difficult day to get up and get to class for 10am but I made it and was only 2 hours long, as was expecting it to be 3 hours long Went out Friday night to our local pub Mary O’s and enjoyed the company with some friends.

Saturday Night was the night to meet up with some of the ABC Crew from the J1 Summer in An Brog and was great to see them and that one of them returned back safely from the States as she left a month after us. Was good to hear how she got on without us and the gossip of the house after we had left.

Sunday night was a night of deciding of what to do with myself as I wanted to head out and keep the streak of nights out going This took in the shape of Neil and myself heading to Sam’s after a look into Mary O’s showed a packed house. Enjoyed my few pints there and see a Garda walk in and tell the DJ to turn down the music

Today was my day of rest and catch up on some college work. Whats the best is I have tomorrow off due to having no lectures on Tuesdays so it was a great week

Hope ye all had a great Long Jazz Weekend!!! I never got a chance to see any bit of proper Jazz, living in Cork and all, this weekend in fact. Being greatly cultured I should have I also never got a chance to go to the Franciscan Well Oktoberfest but there will always be next year

What Makes You Tick???

We all proceed down the path of life but what is the destination that you are going to arrive at or what makes you keep going??

Wet Sunday

Yes these wet sundays are made for lounging around on your ass and watching the world go by, watch the box and eat a huge Sunday dinner. But yet I am here writing up notes for my new MSc course and thinking did I make the right decision in doing the course. I think I did make the right decision, don’t worry, its just the fact that you are only allowed fail one exam and if you fail ore you can’t graduate with a Masters but only a Diploma and you cannot do the work placement which goes for 6 months and with a possibility of staying in that company would save me from finding a job once I finish.

So the pressure is on to keep attentive than ever and pull up those socks. I haven’t failed an exam in four years and I don’t intend to start now