Craving for Love…
September 6, 2007
I know I don’t need to blog this but having it up here helps me remember things and helps me be honest in my life…
Last night as I lay in bed (and believe God was in my thoughts) I was thinking of what Denise and I talked about as we walked back about Religion and how some ppl think it is all the same religions have.
I have felt alone for a lot of my life as if no one cared for me. I went to Mass, Church & Confession but never got anything that felt that I was happy and comforted by Mass. Due to my lonely heart I felt no one cared for me and every hated me at the age of 12 I was thinking of dying if it would help stop it all. But that subsided and a new trouble started of being afraid of death and how I would worry about what would happen on earth when I was gone. I was once again afraid of being alone not on the earth and not know love.
This went on for 2 years. This longing for love and comfort is not a selfish thing but we are born to belong and we are created for connection. I tried to do this but wanting to be loved back pushes others away. My yearning for this comfort and love still kept on wrenching my heart and went to (as some ppl would say) shameful acts and I still felt that this love/happiness/comfort was empty and never filled with what I know now. This love of God is unconditional and don’t have to do anything to deserve this.
Unfortunately the enemy attacks when you know it is empty. God’s love fills you from top to bottom but I leak and hard to stopper the leaks when you feel you have nothing to use. I now feel a lot more loved now than I did when I sat, knelt & stood saying prayers which had no life or love in them..
Love is not a four-letter word…All You need is Love…God is Love.