December 7, 2009

Moving on to the next of the three topics (Thoughts, Emotions and Ideas) which now is emotions will be this weeks post. Not only the title of this post scared me from writing it but have dreaded the fact that I will be writing about what I have felt the past year.

There are 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones. This year by looking at the emotions that are listed in this criteria, I would have expressed every single one of them which is not surprising. From the beginning of this year, it was much more fear, anticipation and disgust as I had a lot on my plate with college and being in Final year and all. As the months went by, it turned to joy, surprise, anticipation with a hint of disgust as I headed out and went to New York for the summer on my J1 and while I was there. As I now come through the final weeks and come to the end of the year, and think of those months since I have returned, my emotions are of anticipation, disgust and fear. Yes, I have returned my year back to the doom and gloom which with I have started out my year. It is the coming back to reality and release what the year was like.

The one emotion that has been through out those three parts of the year which was not said is sadness. Yes, emotions are meant to be outward movements of our life but many we want to keep bottled up for no one to see, and maybe its safe to keep them that way…

At the beginning of the year, I set out ambitions for the year of 2009:

“That my labs and modules go well over the next 3 months and that I won’t be too stressed especially in the first six weeks where we have 15 hours of Modules along with a possible 19 hours of labs, To get my degree in Chemistry of Pharmaceutical Compounds. I have spent four years in the course and every year surprised that I pass my exams and move that step forward so I hope the same for this year, To see a new part of the world during the summer, To experience something new and wonderful, To learn more about myself, my God and my friends, To overcome feelings of anger, hate and distain and to let strangers know how my life is going”

Looking back on this list I feel I have achieved about 5 out of those 7 that I have stated. I do believe that it is a good achievement but looking at the two that I feel I didn’t achieve, “To learn more about myself, my God and my friends, To overcome feelings of anger, hate and distain” makes me saddened that I didn’t get the two more important items on the list. Looking back at that post is scary that I did set myself goals to talk to my future self and to question him, ” Are you happy with what you have done this year as a whole?” That is not an easy question to answer, but overall I would have to say no. As I said sadness was part of every month this year, is because I was not doing my part to fulfill the two that I missed out on is because they were the hardest to deal with. As I am now looking back I try to scramble and see if I can make good on these. I am taking time out and not just focus on college(which has taken so much of my time) but also on God. Psalm 6 has tugged on my heart strings which describes my year within me. As you go through the Psalm it moves to that  I am getting my strength back but will take time. To blog about this is hard and I hope that others who (if any) read this will reflect on the emotions and reasons behind them for the past year. With not being happy with those two, I have decided to start my year early, by starting in December and aim to start this year well as I reflect back on the year that has just gone. I know some people say they cannot wait till 2010 to start over but to get a jump on the year is to start early and hope that your year goes well for a month longer.

So with my year of 2009 being completed, I look onto the year that is 2010 and wonder at what this years ideas/ambitions will be for it ,which I will talk about next week.


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